In the previous post, we explored the power of the 'Let Them' theory – a concept popularized by Mel Robbins that helps us break free from the burden of controlling others. But have you ever wondered what happens next? Once you let go and let others be who they are, an empty space appears. And this is exactly where the second, absolutely crucial stage steps in: 'Let Yourself'.
Why just 'Let Them' is not everything
Applying only the 'Let Them' rule can turn out to be a trap. If you stop there, you might eventually start feeling alienated. Why? Because 'Let Them' is sometimes misinterpreted as an excuse for passivity. As a license to:
- avoid difficult conversations,
- cut yourself off from people,
- silently accept situations that harm you.
"The idea is not to become a lonely observer of life, hidden behind a wall of indifference."
The theory is meant to make your life fuller and your relationships deeper. The idea is not for you to be lonely and invisible, but closer to other people and more fulfilled in every relationship. If you feel worse after implementing 'Let Them', it's a sign that you are missing the second part of the equation.
'Let Yourself', or taking responsibility for yourself
The true power lies in taking the helm. By saying 'Let Yourself', you take full responsibility for your next move. For how you build your life, who you spend your time with, and how you take care of your needs.
When you are an adult, all the responsibility for your happiness, health, boundaries, and successes rests solely on your shoulders. Nobody will arrive on a white horse to pay your bills, organize your social life, or resolve your internal conflicts.
Instead of wasting energy on changing others, redirect it to the only person you can realistically change – yourself.
"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." – Epictetus
The airport stress test: You only control your reactions
Stress is hard to master because it is often an automatic reaction. You get annoyed by a delayed flight, a long line at the store, or an irritating email. But will the extra minutes spent being upset speed up check-in? Will anger make the queue disappear?
All these situations show one thing: you cannot control everything that happens around you, but you can control your reactions. By letting trivialities dictate your mood, you give them your power. You become a prisoner of external forces.
You burn out dealing with things over which you have no control whatsoever.
Remember this
The source of your personal power is not what happens to you, but how you choose to react to it.
Automatic Reaction vs. Conscious Response
It is worth noting that there is a huge difference between a reaction to a given situation and a conscious response.
Reacting is acting on autopilot. It usually stems from the ego, from our deeply rooted programs, fears, or anxieties. When we react impulsively and emotionally, we usually only make the situation worse. We often get ourselves into trouble or inflame an unfavorable situation.
A conscious response, on the other hand, flows from the level of reason. You don't let yourself get carried away by emotions, because such a response is emotionally neutral. It is the conscious response that usually allows you to find a way out of an impasse or improves the situation, and ultimately brings beneficial consequences.
(You can read more about how to stop acting on autopilot in a dedicated post: How to Stop Reacting on Autopilot? Reaction vs. Conscious Emotional Response).
Your nervous system loves peace: The power of one breath
Before you send that snarky message, before you answer a shout with a shout... stop.
Let yourself take another breath.
It seems too simple to work, doesn't it? And yet, it is precisely that fraction of a second between stimulus and response that gives you a choice. Taking deep breaths (the kind where you feel your belly expand) stimulates the vagus nerve. It sends a powerful biological message to the brain: "We are safe. You can calm down".
Thanks to this, you regain control over your nervous system. No more reacting on autopilot, no more wasting hours carefully choosing malicious words in an email that – truthfully – you don't even have to answer.
Mini-Autocoaching
Ask yourself these questions when you feel frustration building up:
- Do I really need to participate in this exchange?
- Will this situation matter to me in 5 years?
- How can I take responsibility for my peace right now and simply "let myself" let it go?
Challenge for this week
Try to combine these two concepts. When someone acts in a way you dislike, first say to yourself: 'Let Them'. And right after that, take a deep breath and add: And 'Let Yourself':
Let yourself not react.
Let yourself be at peace.
Let yourself walk away from a situation that doesn't serve you.
You will notice that the less often you react to external stimuli, the greater sense of life control you will gain.
The article is for informational purposes and presents the perspective of Recall Healing. It does not replace medical diagnosis or treatment. Always consult symptoms with a doctor.
