Want to check someone's emotional intelligence (EQ)? Stop looking for “perfect” answers. The true test of EQ is not whether someone always knows what to say. What matters is their willingness to stay present with your discomfort, instead of running away from the problem.
This applies to every relationship — between partners, parents and children, siblings, friends, colleagues. Anywhere one person says: “Something hurt me,” and the other responds.
A Simple Test: Speak About Your Pain
Next time you feel hurt, say it openly. Pay attention to the other person's reaction. What happens next will tell you more than any emotional intelligence test.
A High-EQ Person — Protects the Relationship
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Slows down and listens. They don't rush to respond, giving you space for your emotions. They don't interrupt or dismiss. They are simply present.
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Asks questions. They want to understand what impact their actions had, even if it hurts their pride. They ask: “How did that affect you?” instead of: “That's not what I meant.”
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Tries to understand your point of view instead of judging it. Even if they disagree, they respect what you feel.
An Ego-Driven Person — Protects Themselves
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Gets defensive. They immediately look for justifications for their behavior. Instead of listening, they explain themselves.
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Minimizes your feelings. They suggest you're too sensitive or that the problem doesn't exist. “You're overreacting,” “It's not a big deal.”
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Turns it around. They make the entire conversation about themselves rather than about your hurt. “Well, I have it worse.”
Why Does This Matter? A Recall Healing Perspective
From a Recall Healing perspective, every unresolved emotion that gets blocked in a relationship doesn't disappear. The body stores it. When we repeatedly experience situations where our pain is dismissed, minimized, or deflected, a biological conflict can emerge — a feeling of isolation, lack of safety in the relationship, or inability to express ourselves.
This is why the quality of communication in your relationships is not just about psychological comfort. It's also about health prevention. A relationship where you can safely talk about your emotions is a relationship that doesn't generate unconscious tension in your body.
Whether someone tries to protect your relationship or only their own ego tells you absolutely everything about them.
What If I'm the One Reacting from Ego?
This question is equally important. It's worth looking at yourself honestly: how do you react when someone tells you about their pain? Do you slow down and listen? Or do you immediately look for justifications?
Emotional intelligence is not a fixed trait — it's a skill you can develop. Every conversation where you consciously choose listening over defensiveness is a step toward better relationships and better health.
Practical tip:
When someone shares their pain with you, count to three before responding. Those three seconds are enough to shift from “defense mode” to “presence mode.” You can also say: “Thank you for telling me. I want to understand.”
This article is for informational purposes and presents the perspective of Recall Healing. It does not replace medical diagnosis or treatment. Always consult symptoms with a doctor.
